The bigger picture....Space.

I am not a scientist, I didn't even pass my science GCSE but I know space scares me. It's too big for me to understand.

I wake up, I go to work, I dream of owning my own home, I pay my bills, I watch Netflix all day, I spend time with my family and friends, I go to sleep.... repeat.

My question is why? Why are we here? What are Humans here for? We are a life form on a planet the perfect distance from the sun. It makes it hard to try and understand something when you can never have answers.

I moan about being late to meet my friends, I learn all the words to songs but does it really even matter? When you think about it we are all going to die and then it really wont matter. In hundreds of thousands of years evolution will have happened and the world and space as we know it will have dramatically changed. Humans might not exist.

It is just so confusing.

I worry about being killed by a car. I think about my carbon footprint. I care about recycling. I don't understand what will happen if the atmosphere does get damaged by our CO2 emissions. Is it even likely to happen?

What about the black hole? We won't even see that coming until boom it's to late!!! can we stop it? Can we fly away? And by we I don't mean me and everybody living on this world I mean we as humans. After reading how a black hole can ruin not just countries, planets but solar systems I am just mind boggled.

The bigger picture is......not big it's SO HUGE I CANT FIND THE RIGHT WORD TO DESCRIBE IT!

All images are from Google

What are your thoughts?

Becky xx

Smear test!?!?

I am roughly one year over due
my smear test!!

Image from Google

I know I am stupid, I know I should know better BUT I am totally to scared to do this, I am scared of having the actual procedure and I am even more scared of the results. This blog is going be all about my smear test and all my feelings surrounding it.

First of all what is a smear test?

Google.com said "A cervical screening test (previously known as a smear test) is a method of detecting abnormal cells on the cervix. The cervix is the entrance to the womb from the vagina".

I know that a few months before a women turns 25 they get a letter to book a smear test, They get invited to further tests every 3 years until they are 50. The test isn't specifically to find cervical cancer but to monitor changes so it minimize the chance of getting cervical cancer.

  

Knowing all of this I am still a little scared but I will try to pluck up the courage to book my test. 

I am going to use this blog to tell you about my whole experience, which will hopefully make it easier for you to book yours or if you're a man to help a friend or partner through this.

Becky xx

Ups, Downs and Rollercoaster Rides

How I cope day to day.

Image from google

My life is not perfect and I do not pretend that it is. I also don't act like I have problems worse than everybody else's. I am not writing this blog for sympathy or to tell people how to live their lives.

So I wake up in the morning and my brain starts ticking, do I feel poorly? I think anybody who has ever been seriously ill they alway expect it to come back so its natural right? ok so once I decide I'm not ill I carry on with my day.

I like to have it all planned out roughly hour to hour, which ok it isnt the most fun but having dyspraxia isn't fun, I live my whole life by a list either a written one or a mental one. I have recently been using a organiser on my phone booking everything in, it has helped a lot, I rarely forget things and I feel a lot calmer.

I generally have a panic attack most days sometimes they are minor ones about going to work or what if I have forgotten something. A few times a month I will have a major one where my heart beats fast and i feel dizzy and everything is extremely over whelming but they have calmed right down.

I work in a busy and fast paced bowling alley, I only do 2 shifts a week at the moment because I am struggling with my fitness and how long it takes me to recover after a shift. I am also a staff representative there, I have been playing a team bonding sports day, a uniform competition, a recycling routine, going to school fetes, getting involved in charities by volunteering and other little bits and pieces. It is safe to say I get stressed from work but I love it, it is a challenge and my head is filed with all this stuff I don't have space for panic attacks or to think about illness's.

I have coping routines depending on how I am feeling, writing blogs helps, sometimes I write a blog and delete it just because writing it has helped get rid of the issue. I also cook or paint or make something doing something creative always helps if I just need to chill out and be proud of something. Writing everything down like lists for everything and brainstorms of everything I need to do is great because my plans for the day, year and next 5 years are written in front of me and lastly talking to people about things on my mind, I have a few friends and If I speak to each friend about 1 thing that's bothering me then that's 4 things off my mind.

I am always trying to be positive and I think I do it well but sometimes I have really bad days like everybody does.

Do you have any suggestions to help me beat panic attacks, stop worrying about getting ill or feeling overwhelmed by life??

Becky xx

Under cover Becky

Becoming a Diner lady.

We all know I love my job, I talk about it enough haha. Working in a bowling alley is hard work as it is very busy and fast paced. It is very stressful at times but very fun and rewarding. I am a believer of you get what you put in and I put in a lot.

Prior to being ill in November 2014 I was working hard to earn a promotion to become a Unit Supervisor, I was working crazy hours and never really having anytime to myself. When I became ill I had too much time on my hands and began thinking about my future..... More money!!!

Most people dream of becoming something amazing in their career, they want to make something of their life. My dream is to own a nice home, have a happy little family and be financially stable. Working on minum wage alone isn't going to get me this dream. So maybe it's time to look at a new career?

I thought about how long it would take to get fit and healthy, then how long it would take to get up to full time hours at Tenpin and then how long it would take to get a promotion. I wouldn't know the answer of this until I actually started working back at tenpin. Meanwhile Jacy was talking to me about working in kitchens.

Ok so this planted a seed in my head, I love cooking, I love working with children and I want more money, this job could protentially offer me what I want. So I needed more information before I could be like CYA later Tenpin. Me and Jacy had a long chat about the pros and cons.

In May 2015 I had my return to work meeting with Marc at Tenpin, I was so glad to be going back finally and seeing everyone. I was finally getting back on track. In the same week Jacy gave me a reference code for a 10 hour job in a school kitchen in Aston. I messaged Marc the same day explaining what I was going to do, just incase something did come of the application form I had emailed to me.

I filled out the application and sent it back off, I did the same for four different kitchens across Birmingham. I was working 2 shifts a week at Tenpin and I was struggling, I was so tired and drained after each shift. It was taking me longer than I thought to get back to myself.

It was Now July 2015, I was still only working 2 shifts at Tenpin but I started taking on some extra work, taking a small team to 3 schools advertising at there summer fetes, doing my pin chaser technician pin, arranging a sports day for the staff and other bits and pieces. I also had 4 interviews for the school kitchen jobs I applied for.

Unfortunately 2/4 I didn't get and I honestly didn't think I would get anywhere with this but 2 of the schools wanted me. I took the first one that got in contact with me it was for 12 and a half hours, I was so happy, the week after getting the phone call informing me I had been accepted for the job I had to go and sign all of my forms ready to start the job in the September. I had put my Tenpin Manager Marc down as a reference so I am assuming he knew about the job though we haven't spoke about it.

I plan on working both jobs as the school kitchen jobs is only 12 and a half hours and then still do 2 maybe 3 shifts at Tenpin until September I wont now how I am going to cope. I might not even like being a dinner lady but at the same time I might love it. Until I actually start I don't know what my future holds...... how exciting.

Becky xx

What is this?!?!

I would like to introduce Becky... and her random daily thoughts.

OK so today I was doing some clothes washing and drying. Whilst cleaning out my tumble dryer filter I began playing with the fluff, rolling it into a ball and using it to collect up the other bits of fluff from the different sections of the filter but what is this lilac fluff and where does it come from???

I asked  my trusted friend AKA Google.com and this is what I found out:

It is fragments of your clothes that over time will leave you with just a basic weave of clothing. It is called lint not fluff and can be any colour depending on the colour of clothing/towels/curtains etc you put in the dryer.

Wow!!

Sorry about the random blog... #sorrynotsorry

Becky xx

My and Sam's fifth anniversary.

Royal Leamington Spa ft Warwick.

Our anniversary was 27th June 2015 but me and Sam celebrated on 28th and 29th June 2015. We went for a lovely adventure in Royal Leamington Spa, Warwick and a little section of Daventry. If you want to read about the adventure in Daventry, the hotel we stayed in and the restaurant head over to www.memyselfandcrash2.blogspot.com. They are all there.

                              

 

                                 

This blog is going to be about the adventure we had on our second day wondering around Leamington and a little bit of Warwick. We started our adventure in Pounland buying an energy drink and pain killers then strolling to Boots to by some antihistamines. It is safe to say we were suffering ha-ha. We sat on a bench on the high street chatting and drinking our drinks and taking our tablets.

We walked down the high street to a beautiful park called the Jephens and Mills gardens. It was beautiful, me and Sam were walking around. I am not going to say any more but scroll down the page and see for yourself

We then went for lunch at The Bandstand Tea Rooms, it was perfect we had a classic tea with a side of fizzy drinks.

After lunch we headed to Victoria park which was beautiful and I played on a swing he-he. 

We wondered back and stopped for a pit stop in The Pump Rooms, we had a little toilet break

 and a orange Victorian drink. 

As there isn't really much more to see in Leamington that was open, we took a quick trip into Warwick and explored St Nicholas' park as we didn't get chance the last time we were in Warwick. We played some mini golf which I won by one point, Walked around the park and had a drink and scoop of ice cream at the little cafe/ice cream parlour, I had candy floss flavour and Sam had Coffee, it was yummy and refreshing.

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It seems like we didn't do much but I don't want my words to ruin the pictures.

We both had a lovely time and I will definitely go back at some point.

Becky xx 

Working life :)

I have been back to work for 5 weeks...

I have been back for 5 weeks and it feels like I have never been away. I am organising a sports day team event, finding a way of getting Tenpin Bowling out into the local community and working with local schools. Of course I am doing my normal shifts which is a Tuesday and a Saturday night. 

I love being so heavily involved with improving the company, so doing a few extra things outside of work such as a new competition about designing a new uniform and planning our yearly star awards. It is keeping me nice and busy. Lyndsey the deputy manager has been helping me loads, I feel like she understands where I am coming from.

My general manager Marc has been very supportive even though he is busy, he has still had time to make sure I am OK. Since being back I have spotted a few kinks in our team armour but we will get there. I am going to build a mini team inside the team of people who want to help and are prepared to go the extra mile. I don't want it to be the same people doing everything.

I am working really hard and last Tuesday spent my whole shift painting the walls of the building ha-ha. I have attended 3 different types of meetings. I have had more than a few bossy moments and a run in with one member of staff but I wouldn't change any of it because I am really enjoying it. I am trying to get a new work Instagram up and running with behind the scenes pictures of the staff and I already run our Twitter page. You should give them a follow www.twitter.com/tenpinstarcity and @tenpinbirmingham on Instagram.

What job do you do? Do you enjoy it?

Becky xx

Food, Work, Fun

Saw a friend on a Sunday, Went to work on a Tuesday

and had a date on a Wednesday, and on Friday I was seeing the family.

I saw Maya on Sunday it has become like a weekly ritual, We went to the Toby carvery in Sheldon and spent roughly and hour and a half chatting about work and friends and life in general. We went to Lickety lick across the road for dessert. Maya had the Black forest Sunday as I ate hers last week, I had chocolate overload which wasn't amazing.

I love seeing Maya she makes me feel connected to my friends which is weird. She has seen them like 3 times in the last few weeks and I haven't seen them since January. I do wish things were different between us all but I just don't think it will happen. Maya is training to become a police officer, she is really enjoying it. I wish I had the dedication to do a job like that but I don't think it would suit me.

On Tuesday I had a very stressful day at work, the managers that weren't on shift were using my support staff to help with their jobs and I just felt honestly under pressure. I felt like I couldn't give 100% customer service because I was constantly struggling. I didn't leave work until an hour and a half after the bowl closed. I hope my next shifts aren't like this.

On Wednesday me and Sam woke up and went back to Star City which is the entertainment complex I work in. We didn't go into Tenpin as it was my day off. We went to watch Jurassic World in Vue cinema and because Jacy gave us vouchers we could go gold class which was epic. I have never done anything like that before, unlimited popcorn, recliner chairs WOOO. The nachos we ordered were rubbish, runny cheese sauce and salsa that tasted like it was watered down. Spending more on snacks than tickets I was a little annoyed and I didn't enjoy them much. 

Jurassic World was awesome, I am not a massive fan of the Jurassic Park films so I thought it would drag on a bit, It captured my attention and the graphics and acting were really good. I would happily buy it on DVD and watch it again and again. Sam also enjoyed it. After the Cinema we played in Fun Zone on some arcade machines. A Jurassic Park shooting game which Sam won BOOOOO, a racing game which I won YAYYYY and basketball game which again I won ha-ha Sam in your face. We did play some little ticket games and got 71 tickets which we saved for next time.

We then went for dinner in Oodles Noodles and the food was gorgeous but the only down side was the waiting staff, Our main waiter was lovely but some of the others were impatient. It wasn't  very busy yet I hadn't finished my starter and the main was brought out and the waitress was waiting to take my plate while I was still eating my food. It was all a little bit weird. I probably wont go back but the food was nice. Sam adds "and hot".

On Friday I spent the day mainly driving. I took Katie, James, Robert and Lucy to school. I bought Lucy home though because she wasn't feeling very well but she did clean the house and look after the dog. About 11 am me and Sam went to see his Mum at her kitchen in Bordesley Green. Then we went to Erdington to pick up his glasses and had a baguette from Greggs. I dropped Sam home and went back to pick Lucy up and we went to go and collect the kids from school. I bought her a little milkshake and chips from maccies to try and cheer her up.

Hopefully next week is a little bit calmer but more interesting. I doubt it.

Becky xx

Weekly Update!

Chilling, Food, Work and Tents.

On Monday all I did was go to the hospital for a blood test and then onto my favourite hobby which is FOOD SHOPPING!!! I watched far to many Once upon a time's, ate way to much chocolate and thought about far to many things. Monday was just a good chill day, I spoke to old work colleague Ian about a job opportunity, I spoke on the phone with Louise for about half an hour and I listened to a little bit of music which always makes me happy.

I have been actively trying to become more positive, I am on day 24/365 of a book called The Secret, Daily teachings by Rhonda Byrne. So far my favourite page is day 7 which is a quote and all the whole page says is "happiness depends upon ourselves" Aristotle (384-322BC). Some of the book is a bit wishy washy but I try to interpret it differently. At the moment I am trying to write 100 things I am grateful for every day, which is a lot harder than it sounds believe me. Once I think I am full of gratitude I may post bits and pieces from my lists and how I have found writing them.

I spent my first Tuesday not having to take Mum to the hospital doing nothing, I woke up watched more Once Upon A Time which I am far to addicted to ha-ha. I tidied my bedroom which definitely needed to happen. I spent an hour cooking me and Mum a glazed pork, mustard mash, green vegetable and balsamic sauce lunch, it was yummy I am so proud of myself. It was then time to do my make- up, hair and get dressed ready for work.

I left the flat at 3 o'clock as I was going to see my friend to give her a late birthday present and have a cup of tea and a little catch up. Christina had been a little unwell over the last year but I must say she has come so far in the last 8 months I am really proud of her. I don't want to say to much on the subject. We were speaking about the future and how she has put on a bit off weight, how we are both getting on at work and her pets. Christina is writing a book, she has only just started and she made some really pretty birthday cards. I wish I was as creative as she is.

It was now 4.30pm so I had to leave to get into work, I arrived just before 5pm and wrote down the holidays I am going to request off, even though I have only just gone back if I don't use my holidays I loose them. I spoke to Marc my general manager about a few of my ideas and got my friend an interview but I don't think he went. I did a little bit of P.A work for Marc and phoned a person from a C.V. we had and offered him an interview. This was before my shift.

I got out of work at roughly 2am because it was quite busy and we don't close the bowl until 12pm. I was speaking to Louise (my friend outside of work also), Karime and Samira about how the team had changed and their ideas on how to get it back on track. I need as much information so I can attempt to change it. I want the team back to being a family.

One's that I made him try

The one's that we picked.

Sam's current glasses

I woke up at 11am ish and slowly got ready while Sam watched the Gameovergreggy show on Youtube (don't tell Sam but I have a sneaky little watch as well ha-ha). We went to Erdington to get Sam some new glasses, which I have pictures of and I will add them to my blog and Sam will most likely kill me ha-ha. Off to lunch we went as I work on a Tuesday night, I stay at Sam's on the night and we have a little date day, we had a kebab and chips in a chip shop restaurant in Wylde Green Birmingham, called Atlantis Fish and Chip shop. We both ordered the kebabs and we got the small for £6 which filled the whole plate, we only ate half.

After Lunch we went back to Sam's house and built up my tent, Tony and Ade are borrowing it to go to download festival. My tent is brand new and can sleep 6 people comfortably. We made some mistakes and it did take just over half an hour to build. It looks huge, I am so excited to holiday in it. For our dinner we ordered a Chinese, Me and Sam both had BBQ spare ribs and they really were lovely. We watched some Wil Wheaton who I have been a little bit obsessed with since I was like 11 years old and then I went home.

At home I wrote my grateful list and watched Once Upon a Time then pretty much went to bed.

Becky xx